Feeling Better When Surrounded by Chaos
I’ve been feeling cranky lately.
Moody, irritable, kind of a negative Nelly.
More so than usual – most days I am able to turn on a pretty positive mindset. That hasn’t happened as much lately. I feel it’s been the reason I’ve acted in ways I don’t really like – reactive, withdrawing, avoiding others. Not like me at all.
Instead of letting this stuff spiral on into oblivion, I decided to look around see what was happening around me that was bringing me down. I chose to figure out a solution instead of just leaving it to run its course.
A few things came to mind:
1) Too much Facebook time
That was my initial thought. I was wrong.
I have taken long breaks from social media in the past and often felt pretty good about it. These days, however, our opportunities to connect in person are more limited than most of us have ever experienced in our lives. As an extrovert, that’s tough. I don’t like it. Social media is one easy to way to experience some form of limited interaction, so the idea of taking it away entirely right now is unappealing.
Social media has its shortcomings, though. There’s a lot of anger and assumptions and judgments going on these days. Social media lacks the natural filters that would otherwise tone down what people might otherwise have to say to each other in real life situations.
Instead of throwing out the proverbial baby with the bathwater and shutting it all down again for awhile, I decided to dig a bit deeper and evaluate what is actually happening with social media that would put it first on my list of things I’m allowing to make me cranky.
What I discovered when I dove into my brain is that most of the material raising my ire came from a couple of groups I am in. I stopped following the posts from those groups and have noticed some mood improvement already. In 24 hours.
Or not…
That means I can still see my aunt’s posts about baking cookies and my siblings chatting about whatever, but not have to see the posts from people that conflict with my own core beliefs and desires I wish to see in the world. It means I choose to keep the good and let go of the not so good.
Re-establishing my personal boundaries within the confines of the FB also made it easier to let go of any notion that I can somehow persuade others to change their minds. I can’t. Even though I want to so often. Attempting to do things with little chance of success is one of the most disheartening things we can do as humans.
Letting that sh*t go is healthy…
2) Shorter daylight hours
This is the time of year where my super-sensitive body begins to feel a bit down in the dumps as a result of the reduction in daylight hours. I know it. I brace myself for it every year. I’ve learned coping mechanisms to help me get through it (get outside every freaking day, adopt a practice of cozy hygge things, make awesome soups and not care what’s in them, say yes to every single holiday party invitation… oh, 2020 – womp, womp).
This year has been oddly frenetic. Even with the lack of group gatherings and weekend holiday festivities, it seems there has still been a lot going on and I overlooked the cues that the dark days were coming. I didn’t prep and brace like I usually do. The irregularity of our family’s schedule the last couple of months sort of took me off track and left me sitting on my couch over this last weekend wondering why I felt like doing nothing except sitting on the couch. Then the lightbulb went off – it’s that special time of year, but without the glittery, champagne-y distractions I usually have that keep me from landing on the couch in the first place.
When I noticed that, I immediately felt better. I know that it won’t be long before the daylight hours begin to grow and my body is just as sensitive to that as it is to the darkening. Another week or two of embracing my inner Scandinavian and I’ll be good to go. Plus… we should have more snow by then, which will mean more skiing. The key to surviving winter for me has been finding things that make me want to get outside. Snowshoes, skis, nanospikes so I can keep running even if it’s icy out.
Looking forward to all of that!
3) Feeling a bit out of control
This seems to be a common theme these days. People feel out of control over having to wear a mask, or people not wearing masks. Events being canceled or shifted to online. Schools open or schools closed. Nothing is “normal” these days. Rules and ordinances seem to lack congruency and sometimes even common sense. The media works everyone into a frenzy from their own biased perspective and it is so easy to just let it all in and take over our thoughts.
It can leave anyone feeling a bit (or a lot) out of control.
I include myself within that group.
There is so much happening around us that is outside what has become our norm and we have zero say in how it all unfolds. The most ancient part of our brains crave safety and stability and predictability – when we stayed in the cave we were safe. If we went outside of the cave, we faced possible death, dismemberment, and chaos. Throwing ourselves into a situation like we have now understandably triggers serious safety signals – that’s a given - no matter what our modern day, rational brains process.
The way to combat these feelings is to search for stability in our every day lives. Some people feel like life is so out of control that the best they can do is acknowledge that their feet land on the floor when they get out of bed. If that’s you, then take it. Be grateful for that certainty.
If you can go beyond that, search for constants elsewhere, acknowledge their existence, and express a tiny millisecond of gratitude. There’s tons of science out there on the benefits of a gratitude practice. Recognizing the things around us that we can count on in the middle of insanity is kind of like standing in a rowboat on a choppy ocean and sitting down, placing our hands on the gunwales. It gives us a respite from the feeling we’re about to topple overboard.
These are just a few ways to feel better when it seems hard to do so and how I shifted my own mindset the last few days. Perhaps one of these tips will help you, too. If not, I invite you to trust that there is something that will resonate with you. Be open to it showing up and odds are it will.
Take care!