How to ride a tidal wave when it shows up in life
It’s so good to be back….
Whew! The last year or so has been a whirlwind of, well, life stuff. I’m sure I’m not the only who feels that way and I know I am not special or unique for having life circumstances take me off track for all the grand plans I had for the last several months.
There are as many life situations that can throw you off guard as there are people in the world. Personally, I was very oversubscribed - my kids’ schedules were varied and the driving duties were demanding - and I have a family member who has an addiction problem (never thought I would use all the CPR classes I took as a ski patroller in my own home, but I am grateful I knew what to do when an overdose occurred – more on that in another blog coming soon).
I am happy to report that now I can breathe easily again.
The kid activities are over for the summer. My older one is currently living out of state for the next couple months and my younger one is off to boarding school this fall at the school she has dreamed of going to since she was a little kid.
The family member with an addiction problem is safely in a program and now has four months of clean sobriety under his belt. Definitely another cause to celebrate.
We all go through our stuff in life. What we do about it, how we feel about it, and how we get through it is up to us. Our feelings come from our thoughts - our thoughts about anything that happens around us in life. When we learn to notice and cultivate our thoughts, we can definitely change the way we feel. Even when we can’t change the circumstances of things happening around us.
For me, I got through this tough time in my own life by relying heavily on several tools I have received over the years from various coaches and classes I have taken, including my own intensive coach certification program. During this challenging period of life, I did what I needed to get by – I took care of my existing clients, I did the work I had in the pipeline, I brushed my teeth and walked the dog (most days).
I had to let go of a lot of things I wanted and planned for in my life. Some travel plans got canceled. The writing I love to do fell to the wayside. My house can definitely use a big, massive decluttering this summer after choosing to let my big organizing plans wait a bit longer. My big coaching business development plans for the year (fun events galore, regular writing, and a spring retreat) stagnated and ground to a halt. I did only the things I had to do, no more.
But I am here. I made it. I didn’t break, even though some days I thought I might.
Let me share with you some of the tools that helped me stay sane during all of this….
1) Learning that the cycles of life are just that – cycles. Sometimes life blows up and everything we have come to know is suddenly different. It’s like a big tidal wave comes in and changes the landscape completely. When that happens, there isn’t much we can do other than ride the wave until we can get out of it safely. When we fight it, it’s harder to stay afloat or upright, or maybe we sink underwater or even drown. “Go with the flow” became a regular mantra. As did “impermanence is the only constant in life – this too shall pass.”
2) Giving myself time to rest instead of staying in go-go-go mode to try to “get it all done.” When an animal is wounded, they hunker down and wait to allow their body to heal. After a big life blowup, that’s sometimes the best we can do for ourselves – hunker down and let time pass so we can heal in ways we may not even realize we need. Usually we stay in fight or flight mode longer than necessary. Once the immediate danger passes, it’s time to go to ground for a bit until we are ready to move again.
3) Reminding myself daily (sometimes many times throughout the day) that there are things I can control and things I cannot. Letting go of worrying about the things I cannot control and brainstorming how best to deal with the things I can impact was a tiring, but effective, exercise. It gets easier the more I do it, though, and it always feels like a weight lifts off my shoulders when I realize I am trying to control something that is not within my power to change – and then stop trying to do so.
4) Focusing on the “MED” – minimum effective dose. Like so many of us, I have definitely suffered from perfectionist complex. Over the last several months, I had to focus on doing perfectionist work only when it was required and cutting myself some slack on the things that just needed to be done, not “perfect” – whatever that is or was. I had to work hard to apply the 85% Rule - most things are good enough if they are 85%. It takes a lot of energy to get everything to 100%.
5) Asking myself every morning “What do I need most today?” Then listening and trusting the answer. Sometimes the answer was “be around other people.” Other days it was “not be around other people.” Some days I had a check list of work projects to complete and that was all I needed to focus on. Many days it was “go for a walk.” Most days it was as simple as “drink more water.”
Whether you’re in your own big life tidal wave time right now or not, these ideas may help you deal with whatever life throws your way so you can manage yourself until you find calmer waters. Life is going to happen. Things outside of your control will occur. How you deal with it and take care of yourself during it is all up to you.
What do you need most for yourself today? Drop a comment below – your thoughts may be just what someone else needed to see.
And if you’ve been feeling you could use some coaching of your own to get through a tidal wave stage of life, feel free to book a complimentary meet and greet session to learn more about how we work and whether we can help you with your life stuff.