What if…
One of the most powerful questions I have begun asking myself and my coaching clients regularly starts with “What if?”
It’s a sentence stem that can create so much mindset shift it should almost be illegal. Perhaps it is just barely legal….
I used it in a coaching session recently with someone who is feeling very stuck and frustrated in his job. He feels like his role at his company has changed so much over the last year or two that he doesn’t feel heard, valued, or even acknowledged anymore. He wants to move, but… reports finding the pandemic has made it hard to find openings in his industry, which makes it near impossible for him to make a move right now.
If you’ve ever been stuck in a job, a relationship, a house, or any situation that seems to be causing you grief, perhaps the easiest way out is to stay right where you are and get to work on your attitude - your thoughts - about the situation before making any drastic moves to get out of it.
So often, we humans want to flee before we think out carefully where we really want to go.
That approach served us when we lived in caves and were chased by predators on a daily basis.
Our little ancient brains noticed something about our surroundings and became programmed to skedaddle on out of there before a lion pounced on us and that was that. Those instincts served us well and became a part of our fundamental DNA. We were born with the instinct to get out of danger.
As our species evolved, however, that genetic coding has not. It’s still in there. We need it sometimes. But our brains have not quite evolved to be more selective about when it decides to kick in.
That leaves us feeling like we need to flee so often when just minor discomfort is presenting itself instead of a human-eating predator.
We can’t help ourselves. We just can’t.
Allowing that instinct to take over and propel us forward out of every situation, however, often does not serve us in getting to a better place. It gets us out of danger. Period.
We have evolved to a point where we may be better served by taking more mindful action in planning a destination before taking to flight.
And that’s where “what if” comes into play.
Asking ourselves lots of “what if” questions can both help us identify where we want to go AND make it easier to stay put until we have a clear vision of the next steps.
Going back to my friend stuck in a job example, there are some extremely simple, yet powerful, what if questions that re-shaped the thoughts he had about where he was:
What if you are exactly where you need to be right now?
What if there is a lesson for you to be learned before you can move on to the next thing?
What if jumping ship now puts you in a worse place?
What if a bit more time will help you see the right place to go?
What if you are taking action that is inconsistent with what you really, truly want for yourself next?
What if you’re wrong?
What if you’re right?
What if there’s another option you haven’t thought of yet?
What if where you are now is giving you the perfect stability to plan for what is right next?
What if there is more for you here than you realize?
What if there are other ways to feel happy, satisfied or fulfilled in this role right now?
What if there are ways to find satisfaction for yourself in other areas of your life and this just provides you what you need right now
I am definitely not a proponent of spinning around in analysis-paralysis real estate in the headspace, but asking a few pointed “what if” questions when we are stuck in a place we just want to get out of can lead to a place of greater insights, more possibility, and expanded opportunity. Not to mention, buy us time to think clearly about where we go from here.
What if changing our thoughts is really the first place to start when we want to make a change?
“Why?” you may ask.
Because our thoughts are what create our feelings, our feelings drive our actions, and our actions lead to outcomes. That’s why.
The next time you find yourself stuck in a situation you desperately want to flee, start asking your own “what if” questions and see what happens with your thoughts. You get to choose those, every single moment of every single day.
What if you could feel better by simply choosing different thoughts?
