Why all those online courses and coaching haven’t worked….

I have a confession…

I’ve taken a LOT of courses. Maybe some would even call it an embarrassing number. I’m not sure I feel that way because I’m not easily embarrassed anymore. Like Kathy Bates’ character in “Fried Green Tomatoes,” after I turned 40 I started caring a lot less about other people’s thoughts about me and that means I don’t embarrass easily anymore. Even when I learned at the checkout line at a Walmart last summer from a very nice young lady who worked there that my dress was tucked up inside the back of my jacket. Probably had been since I arrived and stayed that way as I wandered around the store to grab cat litter and deodorant (in two opposite corners of the store, of course). Who knows? I am sure there’s a photo on the People of Walmart out there somewhere of me that day. I wont’ even mention what kind of undies I was wearing that day…. Oh, well.

But about all the courses, programs, downloads and all the things I have invited willingly into my inboxes… and the lessons you may learn from them should you so choose.

Me? I’ve learned a TON from them. Every single one, as a matter of fact.

Sometimes the lesson was that I should reconsider before I sign up for another mini course or coaching program and be more mindful of how I spend my time. Other times, I have been shocked at how much value I have received from a tiny little one page PDF or something I did “just for fun” that ended up changing my life (kundalini yoga, anyone?). I often wish all of them could be that way. Short and sweet and to the point. “Just get to the juicy bit, already….”

I started down the path of trying all the things to help myself build my own businesses awhile back - maybe 6-7 years ago - when I decided to take more control over my life. I still remember the very first online program I bought that seemed totally out there. It was Katie and Gay Hendricks’ package on learning to love oneself (curious to check it out? Here’s a link). I didn’t get it at first. I downloaded it, looked at the workbook, read the book, and tried to do the exercises. I wasn’t ready. I rolled my eyes and told myself it was kinda stupid.

Then I went back to it maybe a year later and it all clicked for me and everything just tumbled on forward from there.

Now, I often check out lots of things I see online, from books to programs, to online courses and coaching programs, because I think they may have something of value for me or my clients. I love to share discoveries with others. There could be a message that comes in just the right package for me or someone I know. And some I look at even when I know it’s not for me, but I want to check it out anyway (the programs for owners of dog businesses and gyms, for example - I don’t own either, but I was curious).

So I often look to see if something seems appealing, valuable, or of interest.

Some offerings are better than others. Some are just regurgitations of what I call Business or Marketing 101.

Personally, I have found a lot of really interesting, innovative things out there in cyber-land that have helped me with all sorts of issues.

Perhaps the biggest takeaway, however, is that often the lure of the freebie calls to me to satisfy a feeling I may be lacking in the moment. Responding like a slobbering dog to a ringing bell, I have enthusiastically provided my first name and email in exchange for promises of things I suspect we all want… freedom, calm, peace, ease, lots of money. I have discovered, however, that none of the programs, downloads, or courses will deliver those things if they are solving problems I don’t have or solutions I do not need. I think that’s true for a lot of people. We want something we lack and we look for an easy solution to fill that void.

(It’s also a big cause of overeating, drinking, dangerous behaviors… we look for ways to feel better right away)

Ultimately, after taking all the courses and trying all the things I finally realized that there is only one single common denominator for the things that work and the things that don’t.

It’s me.

How do I know that? Because I am very keenly aware that we all have the ability to create our own reality, our own success, our own lives. The choices we make in every moment lead to the results we get in the next.

The next moment, week, year, decade….

All of our micro-choices lead us exactly where we choose to let them lead us.

And that means that following the steps of a plan that someone else lays out that have worked for them, and even for many others, probably won’t work if you’re not in alignment with it.

You can be out of alignment for a few different reasons.

And all of those reasons have to do with you.

Not the process, not the algorithms, not others in your life.

It’s you.

So if you’ve tried all the things for whatever it is you want to accomplish (stop drinking, build a business, fix relationships) and feel frustrated, upset, even like giving up because the things aren’t working, I invite you to think for a moment. There may be some mental trash in there for you to throw out before those solutions will work for you (and they will if they are addressing your real underlying need).

Take a look for a moment at what you may be carrying around that doesn’t serve your wishes and desires.

What is the common denominator in your life?

Toxic relationships?

Circumstances beyond your control?

Feeling you need another certification?

It’s actually none of those things.

The common denominator is you. And the choices you make. That’s it. That’s all that is getting in your way.

And until you recognize that and own it, none of the other things people tell you will matter. If you think you’re all set and have already done the work, I invite you to check in with yourself on that, especially if you’re thinking “I’ve heard all this before” or “That’s totally not what I need.”

Been there, done that.

If you’ve tried programs and books and downloads, searching for answers and still not finding them, you haven’t finished your inner work. You have sludge in there to clean out.

If you don’t take care of that stuff, you’ll be stuck in park or simply move forward slowly, limited by the capacity of first gear, running against the low bar of first gear’s upper limits, until you learn to shift your thoughts.

(Hint - don’t forget the clutch….)

You may get away without addressing the stuff, the sludge for awhile longer. But you can build yourself on top of all that junk that you’ll have to get rid of eventually, or you can stop for a minute and get that junk out of there. It usually doesn’t feel good to stop and do that. To own your choices. See you have stuff you don’t like in there, within you. But cleaning out that space will likely allow you to advance more quickly to where you want to go.

I’ll share something else with you that I’ve learned myself the hard way on this very topic….

Searching for solutions outside myself often leave me feeling unsatisfied. When I see an ad that promises something I am looking for, but do not find within the book, download, or program, it’s because the thing I acquired was not actually offering the real thing I was looking for.

It was solving the wrong problem for me.

Be it advice on running more effective Facebook ads, a social media planning calendar, or an organizational app that will get my life in order.

Seeking peace in life does not come from having the perfect social media calendar.

Finding financial freedom is not the product of applying someone’s method to launch the thing.

Peace of mind cannot be found in a coaching program simply because you were convinced “You get what you pay for” and “Investing in yourself is the best thing you can do” if it’s someone else’s idea of what you need.

Achieving confidence to step out of your comfort zone and offer something you’ve never done before – being visible and vulnerable – can’t be found with a 3 step formula to build your email list.

All of those things are tools that will get you to where you want to go if they relate to the thing you actually, truly, really, authentically want to do, but unless you KNOW where you want to go, all of those things are likely to add up to no more than a lot of wasted time and money.

Here’s what to do instead, until you’re ready for the “simple tools” and “5 Step Methods” to support you to get where you want to go:

1)      Ask yourself what it is you truly want for yourself right now, and tonight, tomorrow, next week, next month, next year….;

2)      Honor the heck out of what you get in response to Number 1 and say a big old resounding “NO” to anything that is not in alignment with your wish;

3)      Set yourself up for success in achieving Number 1 by reminding yourself everywhere, every day, that you are working towards THAT - everything else can wait (at least for now);

4)      Work on your belief system before you do anything else – belief in yourself, your product or service, and your clients’ or customers’ ability to benefit from all those things; and

5)      Take a look to see if there is something you need to clear out of your life, your space, your business before you can move forward and take care of it already. Once you clear out the space, you can plant the seeds and cultivate the garden you truly want.

Remember….

The biggest thing that gets in the way of success and moving forward is us. Ourselves. Nobody else will ever make better decisions for you than YOU and you are the one who can decide what you do next, in every single moment of every single day.

Learning to harness the power of your own thoughts and owning the impact they have on your outcomes is the most amazing and empowering thing you can do for yourself.

If you need help with that, reach out and book a free initial call. I’ll be happy to help you learn to put your own thoughts to better, stronger use - and call yourself on your own BS 😊 It’s probably the best gift you can ever give yourself.