Could We All Just Stop Saying “Work-Life Balance?”
The notion that working professionals who achieve a “work-life balance” are happiest has always felt a bit off for me. It’s not quite so binary as work vs. life. The visual that comes to mind is that of a seesaw with work often being the heavier of the two, which leaves life always up in the air, feeling helpless with no way to reach the ground.
The reality is, there is so much more to life than just the opposite of work. When work and life are integrated as part of a holistic, healthy whole being, that’s where happiness is found.
Humans are social creatures. Our basic needs go far, far beyond just food, water, shelter, making money, and feeling chained to a desk. Studies show that we are happiest when we feel in control of our lives, our work, and our destiny. When we have meaningful, fulfilling relationships, when we have creative outlets that bring us joy, and when we put our skills to meaningful use, we achieve life harmony, not work life balance.
For many accomplished, experienced professionals, a sense of wellness can feel elusive or even impossible. The demands of work, the stress of dealing with heavy issues that impact other people’s lives, and feeling shackled with golden handcuffs (“I can’t quit this job, I’ll never make enough money doing something else!”) can feel like a heavy, wet blanket dampening the joy and the spark you may have felt many years ago.
The good news is, that spark never goes out. Joy can always be found.
For some people, it can be found by making a few pretty easy tweaks to day-to-day living. For others, it may take a little more work and some major life changes (a new job, a new relationship, a new place to live). For others still, it may take a whole life makeover and a total career change.
All of those things are possible. There is no one “best” way to find the holy grail of happiness. Each person is different. What’s right for one may not be right for you.
If you find yourself longing for some changes in your own life, but you’re not sure where to start, that’s ok. Just take a step or two somewhere. It doesn’t matter if you change direction somewhere down the path because you’ll never get to that turn if you don’t start walking.
The Wheel of Life
An easy place to start moving towards holistic happiness is by taking a look at the Wheel of Life. The Wheel provides a great reference point for parts of your life you haven’t thought about in years - or ever. Take a look at each area and rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being the lowest level of satisfaction, 10 being the highest). Do not dwell and overthink your number or over think what the categories are or mean. Just look and write down your 1-10 score.
If you have 10 out of 10 in all categories, then congrats! Let us know what is working for you so we can share with the others!
If you are not a 10 out of 10, identify 1 or 2 areas to work on first - tackling a whole life overhaul is possible, but it’s not easy. Doing one thing at a time will lead to easier (and bigger) increases in happiness and life satisfaction. Trying to do too much all at once is likely to take longer and can lead to burnout, frustration, and giving up too soon.
Decide you are going to improve your score in the area or two that you choose and commit to it, no matter what. Next, ask yourself whether you believe you can improve your score in that area. If the answer is no, dig in and figure out why you don’t believe it’s possible. Odds are it is one of three things - either you:
1) don’t believe in yourself and your ability to make changes;
2) don’t believe there is a methodology in existence that will help you make the changes (maybe you’ve tried things before that didn’t work); or
3) don’t believe that your objective is possible for anyone.
If any of those things come up, take a few minutes to cross examine your thoughts. Are they really true? Are there times you have shown yourself capable of making changes in other areas of life? Are there a ton of ways out there to help people with this area of life? If your thought is “no,” have you looked recently? Can you identify any other people who have figured out the thing you would like to accomplish?
Ultimately, every macro and micro choice you have made in your life has led you right here to the place you are in today. That does not mean you should beat yourself up if you are feeling any dissatisfaction in life. It’s actually good news because now that you are aware of the concept, you can begin to create things you WANT in your life, instead of just reacting to the circumstances that have popped up around you. You get to take control of the vessel of your life.
Once you have clarity on the things you want to change, choose a process to get you there (it may be a book, an online program, a coach, or a group you join). Figure out an accountability plan to keep you motivated and moving. Coaches and group programs have that built in. If you are going it on your own, using sticky notes, updating passwords to words of encouragement, and dry erase marker notes on your bathroom mirror are simple ways to remind you of your goals and encourage yourself daily.
What areas of your life would you like to improve? What changes would you like to make? If working with a coach is something you would like to explore in making your own big - or little - life changes, reach out and book a free Meet and Greet. We will talk about where you are in life and where you want to go and co-create a plan for what that looks like. In the meantime, do your Wheel of Life!