Life Coaching 101 - Tips for Changing Your Life (It Starts In Your Mind)

There are very few absolute truths I believe in these days.

One of them, however, is that each of us has what we need inside somewhere, maybe deep, deep down (buried under all the society and work BS that we’ve been programmed over the years to accept as tolerable, necessary, or even desirable to achieve career goals) to change our lives for the better, no matter what is going on.

If you go searching for stories of triumph, success, or overcoming horrific things in the world, you will find such stories. There are many of them. Tales of people surviving unimaginable circumstances who emerge victorious and go on to change the world.

You don’t have to be mired in something as awful as the worst thing you can imagine, however, to feel a deep need to make changes. It may even feel painful where you’re at, but you hide or mask it well. That someone else has endured worse does not at all minimize or take away from your own pain or discomfort.

Every human deserves to feel good. Period. Including you.

So, how can you do that?

The first, and easiest, way to begin changing your own life for the better is to notice the things you think every day. The things you think about the world around you, your ability to accomplish things, what it might mean when you do.

We humans so often sit around, feeling shitty, waiting for the world to change around us so that we ourselves can feel better.

The reality is that we have a lot more control over the world around us than many of us think.

It wasn’t that long ago that I felt like a victim of circumstance. All the time.

Despite being a lawyer, working in Boston’s Financial District, sometimes even kicking ass and taking names, things that happened around me would piss me off. A lot. Sometimes even all the time.

I remember thinking how great it would be if something changed at work, or if my spouse would stop or start doing this or that, or if the guy at Starbucks could just get my freaking order right (seriously, that dude was awesome and my order was wrong maybe once or twice out of many, but boy was I mad when it happened - the product of having not enough extra time to wait for a do-over).

Grande, breve, no foam latte, please!

What I learned since then is that I don’t have to be upset all the time. I can change the things in my life that aren’t working, and give myself the space and permission to have more of what I do want in my life. I can let myself be happy, even when things aren’t going exactly the way I want them to and even if I don’t want to accept those things as ok. Happiness is state of mind, not a state of circumstance. I’ve found it in my own life, even when things go wrong.

So can you.

Here’s how it happens:

First, acknowledge that your thoughts are what ultimately lead to your experiences. The reason for this is that your thoughts actually create your feelings, and your feelings shape your actions. Your actions are what lead to your experiences in life. Where you are now is the product of all the macro and micro actions you have taken in life. Seeing this is one of those big “aha” moments that can be life changing.

Second, choose your thoughts with intention. Someone once said that everything in the world is created twice - first in someone’s mind and then in the physical world of our reality. That is true with everything that is happening in your world now. You have had an incalculable number of thoughts over the years that have caused you to feel a certain way, which led you to take actions, and boom - here you are! The good news, is this concept is not here to cause you to beat yourself up about where you are if it is not where you want to be, but to highlight that you get to choose where you go next. If you don’t believe it’s possible to change things in your life, it will be hard to feel inspired and take actions that lead to change. Shifting your beliefs into a place where you feel change is possible is essential.

If you are the type of person that has random thoughts popping into your mind all the time, guess what? That’s common! That’s what our brain is supposed to do - think thoughts. If you allow whatever thoughts come along to be the thoughts you think, it’s kind of like what happens during the summer when dandelions go to seed. They float around and land in places, maybe in your yard. If your yard has a lot of space or the lawn is not very healthy, those dandelions are more likely to take root and grow, even expand and eventually give rise to more dandelion seeds floating around. If you plant grass, water it, fertilize it, and take care of it, then that’s what you are planting and growing. The choice is yours - plant intentional thought seeds in your brain like the grass you want to grow - if that’s what you want to grow (it can be wildflowers, or micro-clover, or whatever else you want to grow!), or allow whatever the wind blows around to land and take root. Those unintentional thought seeds can come from your own mind, social media, friends, family, books you’ve read or movies you’ve watched.

Third, decide what thoughts you WANT to think so that you can take action to get where you want to go, even if that destination is “anywhere but where I’m at.” Think those thoughts, reinforce them (sticky notes, dry erase markers on your bathroom mirror, and/or updating your passwords with those reminders are great tools here), and embrace them. Tweak them if necessary. They are the key to changing your life. Truly. Trust me.

Last, but not least, surround yourself with people - in person or virtually - who have a mindset you want to be around, people who are changing their own lives. Don’t hang around with naysayers. Share what you’re working on with your family and friends if it feels right to you and ask if they will support you with your goals. Ask them if they have something that you can support them in achieving.

And no matter what, I believe 100% that you can make the changes you want to make.

It’s possible to do it all yourself, but just like learning something new - playing the guitar, hitting a tennis ball, or training a dog - it is easier to learn faster with a coach. If you would like to find out more about what it is like to work with me, reach out and book a free Meet and Greet and we’ll talk about where you are, where you want to go, and how I can support you in getting there.

Take care and have a great day! Oh, and be nice to the baristas of the world :)